Friday, July 11, 2008

Doctor - My allergies are driving me nuts, or is it just your other patients?

I have a very nice allergy doctor - sharp, usually don't have to wait a whole lot, nurse is very pleasant, etc... So, at his recommendation, I started taking allergy shots to reduce my terrible reaction to all the stuff that causes sneezes, wheezes, snot and more sinus-y goodness.

Unfortunately, there is one thing that I can't quite avoid there: obnoxious kiddos.

Now, don't get me wrong: I like kids and kids seem to like me (I think it has to do with them realizing that I'm not all that different maturity wise...). But when I am forced to deal with screaming and crying children in mass, I don't handle it very well.

Case in point: I arrive at the Doc's office and head straight for the shot sign in sheet to minimize my wait. I get to the list and there are about 7 names with the same last name on the list before me. I turn and there is a gaggle of kids, probably ranging from 5 - 12ish. I sigh, then sit down and bury myself in Bubble Breaker. Once I get my shot, I have to wait 25 minutes to determine whether I'm going to have some sort of reaction to the injection - as to avoid me driving, having a fit in the car, and killing someone in a horrific car accident.

Of course, the second I sit down to wait for the A-OK from the nurse, it begins.

One of the older kids apparently lied to Mom about something that he had in his pocket (I'd gather a toy or something). Lying Kid proceeds to start crying and Mom responds with "Oh, don't you start crying. You lied to me and you knew what you did and if you're going to cry, I'm going to put you in the corner so that EVERYONE can see you cry." Jase is sitting there, trying to figure out how to get all the red bubbles connected to get a big bonus, but is feeling quite uncomfortable with the Mom lecturing Lying Kid and threatening the public humiliation.

Lying Kid's siblings, including Throwing Blocks Kid and I Have To Pee Kid, start to have their own issues. I especially liked I Have To Pee Kid's response to Mom saying that she can't bring "Baby" (which I think was a doll, but I didn't stare and end up coming off as some sort of weirdo) to the bathroom: "I WANT TO TAKE BABY!!!!!!!!! AAGAAGHHGAHGH!!!!!!! I NEED BABY!!!!!!!"

Ya know, I think that this sort of thing could qualify as male birth control. Think of it, no pills, no snips, no drugs - you just sit in a room with these kids for like an hour or two, and BOOM - a 95% drop in the probability you'll want kids anytime soon. Think of it as the most natural form of birth control. I may need to patent this and sell it...

Fortunately, I was released from the office before I was nuts and became a fruitcake (no, not THAT kind of fruitcake). I was getting ready to sign a legal waiver or offer a bribe if it meant cutting the time I had to wait.

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